#33 The Eve

Tomorrow we find out what flip of the coin we will get. Was every shot, every passing day, every tear worth it. I have spent 12 days looking into every change in my body hoping to take it as a sign that the embryo(s) were still there are growing. I found excitement in my sudden reaction to metals that left my ring finger swollen and itchy from my wedding ring. I cried over Smores’ sudden strong attachment to me, in hopes that it meant she could feel the embryos too. I am terrified for tomorrow and the truth it will bring. I fear the lack of finger itch and Smores’ decreased interest. What if I lost them? We were close, so close, closer than we have ever been. The idea of actually being pregnant feels like a reality we will never reach, a concept that I just cannot grasp. This wait has brought out every emotion in me. The amount of fear, anger, and resentment were also countered with hope, optimism, and prayer. We so want to feel the joy of finally seeing that positive and really starting our next chapter.

Fingers crossed!!


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