#34 Lesson Learned: I Know Nothing

As could probably be read in my tone from my last entry, I was not optimistic that this was going to work. But I was wrong. Very, wonderfully, perfectly wrong 🙂 I took a home pregnancy test early Wednesday morning as we had planned. I had seen these tests result negative plenty of times, so I came in with my know-it-all personality and the second I saw the moisture pass over the line that would fill in if the test were positive I threw it in the trash and told my husband that was it. He just looked at me like “How can this be it, that was 2 seconds?”. And then I went back to bed because it was over and I already knew it was going to be.

An hour or so later when my alarm went off for the day, I was ready to deal with it and be all sorts of sad and mad. I did the one thing that calms me best and I had not been able to do for weeks….I ran. It felt so good to be out and moving again and not feel like a bump on a log hanging out in limbo. By time I got home, I was ready to start planning for the next cycle, but first I ran to the lab to get my blood drawn and confirm what I already knew.

I fortunately had planned my work from home schedule well and got to be a crab in the comfort of my own home. While getting little work done, I got out my calendar and did some calculating on when our next stim cycle would start and when we could possible be harvesting and transferring again. I emailed by updates to my husband and declared that August would be the month it all worked out and we would name our son August as a result. I was already 10 steps ahead.

And then I got the email….I had a MyChart message. I opened it up, fully prepared to read confirmation that the results were negative. Much to my absolute disbelief, I read the words “Congratulations, you are pregnant”. I read it about 6 times before calling my husband, who did not believe me. In his true fashion, he requested an email with picture proof of the results 🙂 And then it was just a collection of “Oh my gosh” cries back and forth. I then panicked over the coffee I had been drinking and lack of breakfast I had eaten since I ran. I started chugging water and stuffing face, hoping to calm the newly set in jitters. The whole thing was totally surreal.

The clinic called shortly after my results came in to congratulate me and tell me my HcG levels were around 188, which is really good. I was instructed to return Friday for a follow-up blood draw, where my levels were around 550! This is a great increase and signs of a healthy pregnancy thus far 🙂

I was so excited to continue my progesterone shots and have my “targets” redrawn on (since I obviously scrubbed them off in my morning shower). Oh and that pregnancy test….I got it out of the trash….it was positive. I really know nothing 🙂

So now the new journey begins….being pregnant. This feels like the scariest things yet. I don’t know how to be pregnant. I don’t know how to raise a child. I also don’t adapt well to change, apparently even when I ache for it and prep for it. It is all still completely surreal and I am still not quite sure I am pregnant since nothing feels different….except that I soooo want a nice cold beer and my morning coffee! I just need a good dose of morning sickness to start taking it all in 🙂


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